Roll Credits
by Spwaddict
Summary: What happens between Willow and Xander after "Grave".


TITLE: Roll Credits AUTHOR: Spwaddict E-MAIL: brackish@yahoo.com SUMMARY: What happens between Willow and Xander after "Grave". SPOILERS: "Grave"...obviously RATING: strong PG-13 for language. DISCLAIMER: Joss owns 'Buffy'. See Joss create. Create Joss, create. See me own nothing. NOTES: This might seem like a sequel to my story The End (if you read it) but it's really not. I didn't really mean for it to start out like that, but think whatcha want,,,its all the same. FEEDBACK: Pathetically, I live on it.  
  
The bastard.  
  
The fucking bastard.  
  
I never hated anyone as much as I hate him at this moment. I never hated Warren this much.  
  
Tara was dead, and it was the only thing I could do in return. I felt the magick inside me and it was wonderful because I knew a piece of me died every second. I was dead, and I was happy.  
  
Why couldn't he have just let me die?  
  
He should have kept his love, and caring, and compassion for Anya, Buffy, Dawn. Anyone but me. I didn't deserve it.  
  
He said he loved me.  
  
I'm at his apartment now, with dried tears crusted on my face, and new ones forming. He didn't know enough to bring me back to Giles, so I wouldn't hurt anyone else. He didn't know enough to chain me up so that I didn't hurt myself. He didn't know enough to kill me. He always was a stupid son of a bitch.  
  
He brings me a glass of water. A fucking glass of water. Stupid son of a bitch. Maybe if I break the glass, I can use it to cut my wrists. I sigh, not caring anymore. Not having the energy to move. Buffy should have killed me. Giles should have killed me. Warren should have killed me.  
  
Instead, I get stuck with a stupid son of a bitch who loves me too much.  
  
Isn't this suppose to be the end? I get reborn, see the error of my ways, they all forgive, no one dies, no one gets hurt, roll credits. But I don't feel any different. I still want to kill everyone I see. I still want to bring the world down. Now, I just don't have the power. Now, I'm just stuck with my thoughts, instead of my blind rage. My guilt, instead of my magick. Now, I just want to die more.  
  
For years, he was never there for me. And when he is finally the last thing on mind, he comes storming in to save to day. The one time he had to save the world, it had to be with me.  
  
He picks up his phone and I wish he'd smash it my head in with it. My hope is fleeting as he uses it to dial a number.  
  
"It's me...I'm fine--I just--Buffy! Please, listen..."  
  
Buffy. Tell her where I am. Maybe she'll kill me. My eyes stay fixed on a leaf blowing outside his window. My body stays on his couch.  
  
"Willow's with me...I know--I kn--God, stop yelling! She's fine!"  
  
You stupid son of a bitch.  
  
"She's safe and so is the world, so just calm d--...I stopped her...It doesn't matter how...I can't--I just can't tell you where we're at...Not yet."  
  
I can hear Buffy's voice reaching a frantic pitch. Maybe she wasn't even yelling. Maybe it was my senses that were too raw from feeling everything at once in this world. I flinch when I hear Xander slam the receiver down. Maybe he just lightly placed it down.  
  
He's breathing hard and I can feel his emotions. Hurt, anger, love. For Buffy, Anya, Dawn? No, for me. The bastard.  
  
He sits next to me on the couch. His breathing is vibrating in my ears and I wish he would just stop. I wish I would stop.  
  
"Everything's fine now. It's okay. You're going to be okay."  
  
No, I'm not.  
  
He puts his hand in mine, entwining his fingers with mine. Exteriorly, I'm catatonic to his touch. His hand is cold and clammy. Tara was always warm and soft. She's cold now.  
  
"We don't have to do this."  
  
Oh, but why not? The redemption thing looked so fun on TV. They forgive, no one gets hurt, no one dies, no one dies, no one dies, roll credits.  
  
"We can run. We can get out of here and never come back...We can go together."  
  
Now I look at him. I try to make a look of shock, but I know my eyes are just empty. I really didn't expect that. I expected him to take me back to them, even though I didn't have anything to go back for.  
  
"Buffy and Giles don't have to know. They'll never hear from us again."  
  
He's serious. I realize that he didn't have anything to go back for either.  
  
He squeezes my hand tighter. It's starting to become warm. Like Tara's.  
  
"I meant it when I said I loved you...I always have."  
  
No.No.No. Don't do this. Don't show me the face I fell in love with when we were six. Don't say to me the words I'll never deserve. Don't make me cry again.  
  
I can't look at him. I can't look away.  
  
"I need help..." I whisper the words that I don't realize that I had said, until it was too late. He looks at me for a moment, then knows it's the truth. I need the help he couldn't be able give me. I can't run. I'll die if I run.  
  
As I look at him and see the tears of disappointment and understanding forming in his eyes, I know that I can't die. I know that I have something to go back for. This stupid son of a bitch.  
  
"I love you." Again, the words that come out of my mouth shock me. I hate that I love him so much.  
  
He hugs me, but it's different then when he was forcing the humanity back into me on that sandy plain. Now he's the one crying, and I'm the one saying it over and over again.  
  
"I love you..."  
  
Roll credits. 


End file.
